Everything that begins with SELF means me

I like to think of this blog as a journal. A journal where I can write openly as almost as if it were private. So in that case I am going to write about my thoughts, feelings and my opinions. Here we go. Life as we know it changes every minute. No matter what it is, it changes. The thoughts in our head, our ideas and if you think about it our age. I am the "every minute is closer to death" kind of girls. But I still (sometimes) see the glass half full. I look back at my life for the past two years and I just can not believe what has happened and what has changed. Two years ago I was in high school. I had NO responsibilities and basically I had nothing. But to be honest, I was miserable. I had some issues whenever I was a teenager. I went though a severe streak of depression and everything in that category for five years. I can honestly say I came through a lot whenever I met my husband. I remember a little after meeting him, I switched to an alternative school so that I could finish high school faster. I had planned that after I finished I would move in with him. Which happened, but not the way I planned. Two months later I got pregnant and here I am. A mother, a wife and a student. Two years I did not think I would be here. I thought maybe I would be still living with my parents and honestly had no idea about college. So as I said before life changes every minute.

Not only do things change in that aspect but also physically. My secret is that I suffered from insecurity and honestly I still do. Especially after having my son. I may sound like a 16 year old teenager but I am going through this phase of my weight. Where I look at myself in the mirror and the first thing that pops in my head is the fact I need to lose weight. I just do not know how. I do not half the self-motivation of working out and trying to get on a diet. I just wish I had the body I had before I had my son. I may be a grown woman now but I still wish I looked good. It's pathetic really. I have/had to live with these voices in my head telling me these negative things about myself that my heart doesn't believe but my brain fools me into thinking it is true. Weird really. If anyone knows any ideas about how I can lose this pudge on my stomach and stretch marks please let me know. I know I can't be the only woman going through this. I just need some help and ideas I guess. Hahah.

This post was a little deep. I just could not think of anything else to post about. I have been very busy with school and my son has just been so much lately. Plus our dog has been peeing and everything else around the house, I am just losing my mind.

Thank you readers for reading.

Toodles. (:

The Joy of Church

Finally we went to church today. We have been trying to find the "right" church for us and one that we want to grow in and I think we found it today. A few days after moving into these apartments there was a church outside our front door that is trying to reach out to complex. They do breakfast every morning for the apartment community and try to get them into their church. We met them that day and got plugged into their church today. It is a very small church, just starting out and it is just amazing. Their worship band is just the best band I have ever heard in a church. They are very rock n roll but sing about Jesus Christ in the most beautiful way. They could easily get a record deal if they wanted to. It was so exciting.

They also have a little nursery which one day I hope to help out with. Dorrian would go into the nursery of course. Although he was not with us today for our first visit I am super excited to bring him next Sunday. There were actually a good amount of little kids given how small the church is so far.

I mean the church is pretty small. We meet in the hotel meeting room for now. Until they get bigger and move. Which I can see will happen soon.

Fact is, I love our little church we found. We may have been considered guests today. But next weekend will be considered family.

Thank you God for helping us find a church. You did answer my prayers.

(:

This is a small post, but I wanted to write about the church today because of how exciting it was. I plan to raise Dorrian into a church and showing him Jesus Christ. The place to start is church.

Favorite's Friday

A new post I will be starting that is just nothing but pictures. Just kind of like a presentation of "a day in the life" post. No words, just pictures. Because a picture says a thousand words. Maybe with this, I will get better at taking photos. Then again I don't own a 600 dollar iphone that can take good photos. I have a nice nikon camera that just sits in dust in my closet. Maybe I will get motivated enough to start using it. Just maybe.

I am now just about to start eclipse. Trying to take this series slow.

Streaming Elmo on Hulu. Mommy 43489328 points.

The fact that I was able to get him to sit in this chair long enough to take this picture, deserve an award.

Before

After

I will be posting this recipe in my recipe tab tomorrow. Simple and easy stuffed peppers!

The End.

(:

Tough Love Mamma

Dorrian John, If you ever read this then that means I wanted you to. It's time that I start teaching you what's right and wrong whenever it's just mommy and me time. Lately you feel as though you can get by with anything with me, and that isn't cutting it buddy. You are starting to drive mommy nuts with your tantrums and laughing at me when I get on to you. You behave daddy so well and quite frankly it makes me jealous. Because you give me hell and act like a little angel for daddy. What am I doing wrong? I know daddy might have a more stern voice, but I am trying to teach you to behave for me. You do everything you aren't supposed to over and over again and you just will not stop. I think for the past week I have went to bed with a headache because of your non-stop screaming whenever I won't let you open the cabinets or go into our bedroom. So starting today actually, I am teaching you that I am your mother and you will listen to me. I read all over the internet that you are too young to be told no. Well that isn't true, No means no. I will teach you no and discipline you. I will still be sweet and kind like I always am with you, but whenever you drive me up the wall and mock me, I will put my foot down and teach you time out. It's tough love buddy, and I am here to preach it to you.

This is a picture of his tantrum in action. He will throw himself on the ground whenever I try to pick up from doing something he shouldn't be and scream and kick. He never acts like this with his dad, and he makes me look crazy whenever I tell his dad what he does. 

You are fourteen months old, so now its time to act a little more mature and learn what you should and should not do. Get ready because mommy is coming. You can think I am mean and you can throw your toys at me. But I will not back down. I love you. I always will. But if I let this keep on once you get older I think I would end up losing my mind. -- Tough love.

Guys, A&P is tough. Today was my first class and man... It will be hard. But I love it. I like the challenge. It means I need to get my crap together and NOT slack off. This is my life on the line and I have to do everything in my power to pass this class and lab. I already have to study half my book because of all the medical terminology. Oh... this semester is going to be tough. Wish me luck.

There is this app for googleplay that I think all android phone owners should have! It is called Vinted and it is just amazing. You sell, buy and/or swap clothes with other women around the country and you can find some really amazing clothes for so cheap. Try it out and you can find me, raisingme. Go try it!

I think I am going to start a special post once a week. Where I just post pictures and no words. Spend a day taking photos. Favorite's Friday it will be called. So yes tomorrow it will start! 

I am really trying to bring in more viewers so please help by sharing my blog on your facebook, twitter or anything! Follow me on the bloglovin' you will find the link to the left bottom. Also, take a second to vote for me on topbabyblogs! I would truly appreciate it! 

Vote! Toodles!

Nails and New Design

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Today has consisted nothing but Twilight, The Voice and redesigning my blog. If you haven't noticed, I changed my banner and the layout of my whole blog. I like it, a lot. I think I may actually like it better. Anywho, It will probably change in a few days like always. Because my brain can not stay happy with one thing for a good amount of time. Why? ADHD I am assuming. Although I have yet to be diagnosed for it, I think I have it. Then again I haven't gone to the doctor for it because I didn't realize I had it until I got pregnant. 

I am getting off track, like usual. Today I did something I never do. Something different because today I felt as though I will achieve a lot. Last night I went to bed in a great mood because I felt I spent my day doing stuff that needed done and did. The best feeling ever is feeling as though you achieved what you needed to achieve. Your life feels... complete. So today is another one of them days. Crazy how time flies doing stuff that preoccupies your mind from watching the clock. 

Oh yeah.. what did I do you ask? I painted my nails! I know, I know... "Uh Heather, what's the big deal in painting your nails almost 90% of women do it blah blah." Big deal is I NEVER wear nail polish. My husband would be very happy with me because he bought me the nail art kit about a year ago. I used it a couple times and stopped because I stucked completely at it. He told me it was because my nails are shaped abnormally when truth is it's just because I didn't care enough to try. I kinda tried this time, with the help of a lovely youtube video. I pained them this skintone kind of color. I have no idea what color it is because the bottle doesn't say. But I love the color. Makes me feel more womanly to have my nails painted. Although they didn't turn out PRO. They turned out better than usual. So I thought to myself, what the hay I am going to make a post about it. So here I did it. I blogged about painting my nails. I am sure it isn't the weirdest thing to blog about but it isn't the coolest. One day I hope to get really good at it and start doing nail art tutorials. YEAH! But that is far far down the road because I can still barely just paint the basics. 

Or even let my nails grow!

Such a nasty biting nail habit I have..

Anyways for some reason I thought today was Saturday.. weird.  Well, I am going to be one busy gal starting tomorrow. College starts. Uhhhh... I just want it over and have a job already. 

Well, wish me luck!

I think my mind is melting

Literally I think my mind is just turning into water as we speak. Why? Because I am becoming worn out. I just need a break. Time for myself to unwind and figure out what I need to do. My son is just a handful. Being a mother full time is a job. If you want my opinion, it is one of the most difficult jobs at that too. He keeps me on my feet and the way I have to chase him around the house I am surprised Victoria Secrets isn't calling me for a modeling position. Even though my body is no way near close to looking as good as those girls, it was just a metaphor.

My son is going through this phase to where he completely ignores me. He has the magical power of blurring me out and doing what he wants. At least he thinks he can do what he wants. If he does something he shouldn't be doing and I tell him no he will hit me or throw things. He becomes so aggressive it is almost scary because he is pretty strong for his age. I mean strong. Mind you his a HUGE baby too. He gets mistaken for a 2-3 year old all the time. He is only fourteen months old and weighs 30 pounds, so yes he is big. So picture him yelling and throwing things at you. Scary right?

The perks about living with an apartment is the fact that we live around people. We also live upstairs so we get a good birdseye view of downstairs outside. A lot of kids play around outside with the tree outside our window. Yesterday I showed Dorrian the kids outside our window and he watched them for 30 minutes. It allowed me time to breath and sit for those 30 minutes.

I told him that one day he will be able to go outside and play with the little kids. But right now he is just way too young. I see kids a little older than him playing outside without their parents being by their side, I just don't get it. My son will not be outside by himself until he is old enough to be out there changing the oil in his truck. Until this it's mommy by his side. Especially at an apartment complex, who knows who lives here. Some parents are just... different I guess. Or maybe it is just me. Fact of the matter is, he wishes he was old enough to play out there. I just don't trust it yet. Because he still stumbles on himself. He trips on thin air.

Readers I am struggling to find a good creative hobby that I want to pursue. I picked up on crocheting a couple years ago, but I want something that I can get good at and sell. I mean I am sure I could sell crochet items, but can I really? I don't know. It is my dream to start a shop on etsy and sell handmade things. I just don't know what I can become good at it. I want it to be something I love. Ideas?

I hope you all are having a good Saturday. Mine isn't going half bad. I just wish I had time to do more things that I want to do. Like crocheting or just relaxing. But oh well, being a mother has it's sacrifices. When he is a little older I am sure things will get a lot easier.

Thank you for reading.

Recently Enjoyed Moments and update

Well as you have noticed the blog has changed a little bit. I am so weird, I swear I have an OCD problem when it comes to wanting to change things and not wanting to be happy with one thing for awhile. It is a nasty ol' habit having to change things to where I am comfortable with it. I would be happy with it one minute then I will sleep on it and go to look at it with fresh eyes and think to myself, "What the heck was I thinking?" Yeah it is pretty bizzare. But hey, we all have our weird flaws. I have got the apartment sorta kinda done. I have been working my butt off man. I swear I have lost some pounds moving everything everywhere, but you can't tell. Anyways, I am very happy with the way it turned out. Even though I don't have an immaculate house/apartment like the rest of the mommies that blog, I have one that I love. One that is amazing for now for when we are just starting off as a family once again. Let me tell you, I love being a family finally. I can finally clean, cook, and raise my son the way I want to raise him without being judged. I would cry almost everyday living with my parents, because it was just stress beyond belief. My marriage was wrecking because the stress from living there was just making us fight. Now with my husband working his confidence is up. I think every man should have a job, it's a true hit to a man's pride when they don't have a paycheck. Trust me, I witnessed front row. My husband was able to get us our own apartment, and was able to move us a month before we planned to. For that he deserves a pat on the back. Because I honestly could not be any happier. I felt as though I was locked up in a cage and the key was missing. My parents and I just do not get along. We never have and we more than likely never will. Living in this little apartment will allow us to find an amazing church to plug ourselves into. Something pretty neat happened just the other day, a church comes out every Saturday and tries to get more people for their church. We met the pastor and he seemed very young and amazing. This Sunday we are actually going to try it. I am too excited. I feel like I am nesting. Oh gosh, am I pregnant? No, I wish. Ooops. It slipped. My big secret. I do wish I was pregnant. I miss the feeling of being pregnant, is that weird? No, I want a little girl. So so so so bad. But right now, I am trying to get schooling done. I am going to get my RN degree THEN settle down and try for a girl. Shh. My husband just doesn't know that yet. Here is the finished apartment.

This top picture. Those two chairs make up our couch for the moment. Our last couch we actually left because a friend of my husbands lend it to us. I hated that couch so it was not much loss. We have been couch shopping for a few days now. So one couch will be coming our way in just a couple months!

Isn't is awesome? My son's room turned out to be so amazing. He doesn't play in it though. When we moved here, I thought he would love to play in his room. But it seems like he only goes in there if I am in there. Any other time I am not, he is clinged right by my side. We bought a gate to put in the doorway for his room but whenever I put him in there he will just throw a fit. He does this cry that sounds as though he is being tortured. I don't understand it. I thought any little kid would love to have their own room. He has so many toys it is just crazy. We actually had to leave some behind because of how many he has. But he doesn't seem to even care. He would rather play with the books on our shelf then play with a toy that cost 50 bucks and lights up. Hmmmm. Sometimes I will just never understand my son. He is just so weird.

Speaking of him being so goofy. He is sprouting such an adorable personality. I love how goofy he is. He is like a little mini me. I just love him. I would never regret having him, because he makes me feel this happiness I didn't think was possible. I never understood the bond between a mother and her kid. But now I do. Now I understand it, better than anything else. It is magic. From the second you find out you are pregnant to the second you are telling them no. It is love. I don't understand how a parent can hurt their own kid. I read stories on the news about parents hurting their children constantly. It literally breaks my heart. I would sit and cry and ask God why it happens, but it does. I love my son and if anything ever tried to hurt him, I think I would have to hurt that person. Truly. 

I certainly recommend having a child though. Because it is an amazing miracle. 

 This picture was painted by my husbands sister. She painted it as soon as she found out I was pregnant. Isn't it just the cutest thing ever? I am obsessed with it. My son loved it whenever he was a newborn. 

 I hung these by myself. I am quite proud of it. The same sister that painted the picture above made these letters too. The cow picture was a gift given to me from my husband whenever we first met. I loved cows. I actually had an obsession with them. 

This is just a few things that I kept that meant a lot to me. My sons first valentines card to a letter from my mother in law. Just cute things that represent Dorrian. 

Anyways, I know I have been so busy and my posting has just been lagging with me. I promise I will make more time to blog. My classes start Tuesday. I am taking an A&P class, which is apparently supposed to be a very difficult class. I am also taking a speech class online. YES! Online.. Thank god. I have literally tried to avoid Speech for so long. Now I can do it online, I am so relieved. Because I do not do well in front of people. I turn as red as a tomato. Literally. I hate it. So liiiife saver.

I have added a new advertising perk to my blog now. Even though I am still in the middle of trying to build my blog, I figured I could get bigger by advertising. So if you interested email me, use my email link at the top right. I will even trade if you would like. 

Thank you readers, for helping me get to where I am at now with my blog. Please share and tell people to read my blog. I would just love it. Because I enjoy blogging so much. It helps my confidence in myself so much. So just thank you and please help!

Well, I am just finishing my book "New Moon" yes I am a twilight fan. A huge one at that. The movies have been playing in the background every day for the last week. I am just a little obsessed. My husband will be home soon, so I have to get up and make him grilled cheese. Oh men they are just so needy. Just kidding. I enjoy doing things for him because he has done so much for us. Well enjoy your nights readers!

(:

Everything has changed since my last post

So much has changed since the last time I have made a post, I mean so much. Within the last two weeks we have moved. Funny thing, because my last post I was begging about moving. I guess you guys, my readers, are my good luck charms. Because I have moved! We are now living in an apartment not too far from my parents house actually. I love it, my own little nest that I just love. My son has his own room, we have our own living room, bathroom, kitchen and everything else. It is just amazing, beyond words. It is pretty old though, so there are some flaws but anything is better then living with my parents. I mean I would take a cave then living with them. I mean it. Not being dramatic whatsoever. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Here let me show you.. I took some photos. Well, they actually are quite horrible photos really but I was so busy trying to do it up that I just kept forgetting... well rather putting it off to take photos. But I did take a couple. Before and after.

The two at the top are my living room. One before and after. Although it is crammed with boxes and what not, it was moving stuff. They are dark, because I took them in the dark. Like I said, I put it off. Plus we have no lights in our apartment. Have you ever heard of that? Me either... I think maybe it was a mistake and they didn't complete the apartment right. But I don't care. Like I said, anything is better then living with my parents. I still have so much left to do, which is where I must go now. I know this may have been a very short post. But I wanted to catch you guys up and let know know what was going on and for my lack of posts.

Follow me on my social networks and like my blog on facebook. If you would like my personal facebook, which I post quite a lot about what is going on with my day to day life then go add me. Facebook: facebook.com/raisingmeblog

Thanks! and toodles!

Babble and what not

Well, I have been so sick for a couple days now. Which is the reason behind me having no posts lately. Yes, my new years was spent with me in bed trying to gain the energy to just get up and use the restroom. I guess the black eyed peas I had for dinner on new years did not work with giving me luck. Because I am sick, with a cold. I hate having colds. I would rather give birth then have a cold. Yes, it is that bad. I hate cold medicines, they are supposed to knock you out but for me I can't sleep. All last night I got maybe two hours of sleep because the rest of the night I was not able to sleep or get comfortable. I was just miserable, so you can imagine what sort of mood I was in today. Hopefully though my son doesn't catch it. Honestly, I think my son had it faintly and passed it on to my husband and I. Thank you son.

Stress has stepped into my life lately, unexpectedly. So much has happened this past week that I don't even know where to begin. My husband got a job right after five minutes of him searching. So for the past couple days I have had to get used to his being gone. From 3pm to 11pm. I guess I was just so used to him being home with me, it gets kind of depressing. But I enjoy my space from him, sadly. Also, I have decided to change my degree. As of right now I am majoring in Culinary Arts but over the winter break, it has been heavy on my heart to change it. I am now wanting to pursue LVN/RN. Which is a vocational nurse to a registered nurse. Reason why I have yet to change it officially is because my college seems to need a two week winter break. Why? I have no idea. So that is something I am needing to get used to and resolved. Because as of right now my schooling is in the air. Stress alert. So much is just happening at once I am surprised my head has yet to explode from it all. But life is life. I suppose.

Anyways, this isn't a good start for 2014. Hopefully it was all just a coincidence. If not, those black eyed peas were cursed!

         Papa and Dorrian. Too adorable.

                       Daddy loves tickling Dorrian's tummy. He laughs so hysterically whenver he does it.

 I was sitting on the couch watching Twilight amazingly to see this.. Dorrian was shoving Uncle Drew in the hamper haha. What a bully.

                                               I love how Dorrian looks up to his uncle so much. 

As of right now, I am reading the Twilight series. I am in love with the books so far. Even though I am still on the first one and half way done.  I can already tell I am stuck in it. I haven't been this connected to a book since the Hunger Games. Cool thing is though, I have seen all of the Twilight movies so as I read I can picture the movie in my head. Is that cheating? Hmmm.

Well husband and I are in the middle of making a big decision of moving. Cross your fingers that we can do it. If you knew our situation you would probably understand. Husband and I are residing with my parents right now. We moved here so that I could go to school and he can go to school full time and get his degree done faster without worrying about a job. But now that he has a job we are planning on moving out and being on our own again. I miss it. I need my own nest. I crave it. So you can tell by just that sentence why we are so desperate. But I know if it was God's will for us to move out then we will. But in the meantime, cross your fingers.

I hope you all had a great New Year's!