I think my mind is melting

Literally I think my mind is just turning into water as we speak. Why? Because I am becoming worn out. I just need a break. Time for myself to unwind and figure out what I need to do. My son is just a handful. Being a mother full time is a job. If you want my opinion, it is one of the most difficult jobs at that too. He keeps me on my feet and the way I have to chase him around the house I am surprised Victoria Secrets isn't calling me for a modeling position. Even though my body is no way near close to looking as good as those girls, it was just a metaphor.

My son is going through this phase to where he completely ignores me. He has the magical power of blurring me out and doing what he wants. At least he thinks he can do what he wants. If he does something he shouldn't be doing and I tell him no he will hit me or throw things. He becomes so aggressive it is almost scary because he is pretty strong for his age. I mean strong. Mind you his a HUGE baby too. He gets mistaken for a 2-3 year old all the time. He is only fourteen months old and weighs 30 pounds, so yes he is big. So picture him yelling and throwing things at you. Scary right?

The perks about living with an apartment is the fact that we live around people. We also live upstairs so we get a good birdseye view of downstairs outside. A lot of kids play around outside with the tree outside our window. Yesterday I showed Dorrian the kids outside our window and he watched them for 30 minutes. It allowed me time to breath and sit for those 30 minutes.

I told him that one day he will be able to go outside and play with the little kids. But right now he is just way too young. I see kids a little older than him playing outside without their parents being by their side, I just don't get it. My son will not be outside by himself until he is old enough to be out there changing the oil in his truck. Until this it's mommy by his side. Especially at an apartment complex, who knows who lives here. Some parents are just... different I guess. Or maybe it is just me. Fact of the matter is, he wishes he was old enough to play out there. I just don't trust it yet. Because he still stumbles on himself. He trips on thin air.

Readers I am struggling to find a good creative hobby that I want to pursue. I picked up on crocheting a couple years ago, but I want something that I can get good at and sell. I mean I am sure I could sell crochet items, but can I really? I don't know. It is my dream to start a shop on etsy and sell handmade things. I just don't know what I can become good at it. I want it to be something I love. Ideas?

I hope you all are having a good Saturday. Mine isn't going half bad. I just wish I had time to do more things that I want to do. Like crocheting or just relaxing. But oh well, being a mother has it's sacrifices. When he is a little older I am sure things will get a lot easier.

Thank you for reading.