Dorrian John;

I know I have posted so many times about how worn out I am. But I am. I am so worn out. My husband works constantly, so basically I am a single mother. At least I feel that way. I know the mother is the main care taker and all, but I do wish I had a little help every now and then when needed. My son looks up to me as his best friend, and knowing that warms my heart. But the fact that he knows I am his best friends he also rebels against me. He refuses to listen to me and cries when I do not want him messing with something. Simply because he knows I will cave in because I hate seeing his tears. I created this child with my own body. I fed him with my nutrients and molded him into this perfect little being. There is truly nothing stronger than a mother's love for her son. I love this child and love doesn't even seem like a strong enough word to cover my feelings for him. 

Today he refused to take a nap. Today he did something he has yet to do in a very long time. I went to lay him down and he would cry and cry. I went to pick him up and try again and he would cry. So I finally gave up and caved in like he knew I would eventually. Usually his bed time is around 8 or 8:30. Tonight around 6 we decided to watch Elmo youtube videos together because it is the only thing I can do to get his attention long enough to be close to him. During the video I replayed 6 times he fell asleep. Whenever I looked down at him to see that he was asleep my heart melted. I know it may sound a little weird. But all the stress he put on me that afternoon from his fits because he was tired but did not want to nap -- was gone. I smiled and thought to myself how thankful I am to have such a beautiful son sitting next to me. A son that looks like me and loves me for me. He loves me for the person I am and does not even notice my flaws. Even when I am crying or angry he is there to look at me with his smile and make it go away. He is just simply my other half. 

He may drive me nuts and I may just want to pull my hair out time to time. But the fact is, God gave me this little being. He allowed me to create this child and have something... finally. My son has given me courage in myself, Confidence and faith that I can achieve things. For that, I love him for. Which is one of the unlimited reasons why I do love him.

I have been in the middle of trying to study for my A&P lecture test. It is my first test in this class and I am so nervous. I HAVE to pass this class. If I do not I owe financial aid and I will not be accepted into the RN program unless I retake it. Which just cannot happen. I will be busy the rest of the week. Sadly but I will. But hey, maybe this good ol' Texas weather where it snows in the middle of February will come in handy. Maybe it will snow and cancel class for the week. So that I can put more... a lot more effort into my studying. We can't call that procrastinating or anything, it's Texas's fault.

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