I Watched You Grow..

It is hard to grasp the last two years of your life. I remember being pregnant with you, feeling your kicks every day and night, telling you how much I already loved you before I even met you and singing to you the best way I knew how. Then when you were in my arms it was like a dream because I just did not believe I was capable of creating something so beautiful. The first few nights in the hospital, I would just hold you and stare like the world was spinning around me. Then when I brought you home to rock you to sleep, I would sing "You Are My Sunshine" and ball like a baby because I just did not want you to grow up. Now here we are, two years later. 

I remember thinking how the heck I was going to do it. How was I going to raise a child when I, myself, was so young and just a child myself. I had no idea what I was doing, I would cry because I thought you ate too little then too much and I did not understand why you slept so much. No one warned me what it was going to be like, you did not come with a instruction booklet. But I figured it out, each day you taught me. You taught me how to be a mother. How to be a woman. 

The truth is.. There is literally no greater love than the love a mother has for her child. I never understood that until having you. My love for you is so strong that I lie awake at night tempted to come and wake you up from your slumber just to hold you and look at you. Because being away from you causes me to withdraw from your sweet face. I love you.

 All I ask is for you to stop growing. Stop getting so much older. Because I don't know if my heart can handle it. I just want to hold you in my arms forever. So remember then when you are 30 and married with your own children, I will come over and hold you no matter what. Kiss you in public when I drop you off at high school. I might embarrass you from time to time, but I love you.

A created a time line of Dorrian's last two years of how fast he grew. For memories and for something that I will show him when he gets older. I have had such a hard time keeping up with his pictures, I have lost so many due to formatting my laptop and technology just repelling from me. But I use my blog to track the memories and photos so I will never lose them.

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